Wednesday, May 06, 2009

the inconvenient truth

Everytime I see a couple, be it old or young, good looking or okay lookin' (hehe), my heart is swollen with emotions...colorful emotions...
I'm golden to see that there is a true couple..and hoping that my turn would be soon

I'm green with jealousy to see that he/she already found someone....and they look so happy together that everything around them is just a blurry background image...

I'm blue when I look at myself and I realise that I'm 22 and Im still alone, with no one by my side..(friends not included in this context)

but, after I looked back, and meticulously analysed, I find that maybe I like being alone after all...
When I get the company, I usually feel smothered, suffocated, cannot act like myself, and the worst of all, have to accept people for their weaknesses..and that's just totally opposite than what I'm doing all this while...

and without realising this very fact, Ive wasted most of my college and uni years looking for the right person when the truth is, there is no right person for me...at least not for now, coz i'm not ready to be tied up, to devote nor to commit....
and that explains no matter how many times i tried, with different characters of people, the result is still the same = UNMATCHED

Another possibility is that maybe I've been alone practically my whole life, I was sent to boarding school since i was in form 1 and there, I don't mix around...so venturing into a serious, commited relationship is rather scary and I always doubt myself as one-person guy coz 2 of my uncles married twice and my grandpa married thrice..and people say, it's in the blood....
Or maybe again, this is just a whole lot of crap i make up to justify my cowardly act to try a new thing: berkekasih

So, maybe I should try a different method instead...it's a bit unorthodox but who give a damn at this era...have a lot of scandals and enjoy life while I'm still young...there is a lot of fish in the sea....it's a shame if we keep releasing the fish that we caught just because they re not what we're aiming for...

So, now I'm telling myself....stop looking for the one....just enjoy my life as much as possible with myfabulous friends..and I believe, the one will tag along if I'm meant to have one...