the inconvenient truth

Everytime I see a couple, be it old or young, good looking or okay lookin' (hehe), my heart is swollen with emotions...colorful emotions...
I'm golden to see that there is a true couple..and hoping that my turn would be soon

I'm green with jealousy to see that he/she already found someone....and they look so happy together that everything around them is just a blurry background image...

I'm blue when I look at myself and I realise that I'm 22 and Im still alone, with no one by my side..(friends not included in this context)

but, after I looked back, and meticulously analysed, I find that maybe I like being alone after all...
When I get the company, I usually feel smothered, suffocated, cannot act like myself, and the worst of all, have to accept people for their weaknesses..and that's just totally opposite than what I'm doing all this while...

and without realising this very fact, Ive wasted most of my college and uni years looking for the right person when the truth is, there is no right person for me...at least not for now, coz i'm not ready to be tied up, to devote nor to commit....
and that explains no matter how many times i tried, with different characters of people, the result is still the same = UNMATCHED

Another possibility is that maybe I've been alone practically my whole life, I was sent to boarding school since i was in form 1 and there, I don't mix around...so venturing into a serious, commited relationship is rather scary and I always doubt myself as one-person guy coz 2 of my uncles married twice and my grandpa married thrice..and people say, it's in the blood....
Or maybe again, this is just a whole lot of crap i make up to justify my cowardly act to try a new thing: berkekasih

So, maybe I should try a different method instead...it's a bit unorthodox but who give a damn at this era...have a lot of scandals and enjoy life while I'm still young...there is a lot of fish in the sea....it's a shame if we keep releasing the fish that we caught just because they re not what we're aiming for...

So, now I'm telling myself....stop looking for the one....just enjoy my life as much as possible with myfabulous friends..and I believe, the one will tag along if I'm meant to have one...

not a good start

with determination and a whole new hope for myself, i embarked on the journey of this new semester that brings upon 4 science subjects, 4 labs..no kidding.4 LABS, and 2 BHBP..~sigh~

but I tried to be positive, if the seniors could do it, so could we...
but after 2 labs of orthodontic and prosthodontic which both involved taking impressions, I failed..I sucked big time....if I kept counting, I probably had done it more than ten times already and none was accepted.

nahh....it's not the end of the world..I know im gonna make thru this..

just that, it's gonna be one hell of a busy semester...so I won't be blogging much..=(

Am I lagged ?

I feel maybe coz of my friends mostly are working and some of them are actually the same age with me, yet started working already, it makes me feel so lagged in term of career..

I know health science field courses like medicine, dentistry or pharmacy are time consuming but paying off in the future...even so, I still feel bad especially when they started discussing bout investing on properties, juggling three jobs at a time, money, travels..all these feel like still far ahead of me..*sobbing*how I wish to live that kind of life..(yeah, the hectic, frantic frenzy life, believe it or not, I kinda like it)

and here I am still daydreaming bout all those....and my recent dream is about condo layout...
It's been bugging my mind for a while now, however, I still have a vague image how my future bach-pad will be like...


here's just an illustration

I figured i'll be living alone, so I don't need too many bedrooms...two will be sufficient
and I don't need a spacious kitchen since, if I live alone, I won't be cooking much
but, I really want a big bathroom...and the bathtub..(mmm....~)..hopefully there is big shower too
I don't like the idea of dining table in the middle of the walkway, better not have..I can just eat on the couch or I take down the kitchen wall and replace with a little counter...but again, that's the walkway....

okay, I won't be renting this kind of apartment coz on second thought it's so cacat ...but so lazy to find a new one
I've found quite interesting few on my first search, but didnt think of publishing them..

What I have in mind is super better than this, I don't wanna say now coz let's not spoil the surprise...but everytime I think about it, I will smile to myself...=)

laughter is the best medicine

I came across this in the net...Japanese twisted names

01. Yang pemarah - KEiJI CACIMAKI
02. Yang suka berjimat - SAYORI SUKAMURA
03. Yang bisu - KIETA TADASORA
04. Yang suka makan nasi - NANACHi KASIBANYA
05. Yang suka layan blues - APO NADIKATO
06. Yang suka belajar - ASHIKO ULANGKAJI
07. Yang kerap bikin kacau - WAKASI HURUHARA
08. Yang sangat kedekut - MATIMATI TAMOKASI
09. Yang suka sangat tidur - ICHIBAN TIDOMATI
10.Yang suka mengintai - HINTAI AKOSUKA
11. Yang tua - TARAGIGI PADANMUKA
12. Yang kena tinggal bini - SUSAHATI BINILARI
13. Yang suka merempit - SAJA CARIMATI
14. Yang suka BERSUMPAH - SAIIFOO BAUKARI
15. Yang Lembab - AYUMI SIPUTBABI

If the owner who originally posted this is reading....sorry ya taking without permission..
I'm just thinking this humor worth sharing...hihihi

2009...here I come.

I'm putting a closure to 2008 and opening a new diary of 2009..realize it or not, another year just flew by, yet not much have i achieved during this entire year.

setting another resolution after another seems like a futile effort since last year's resolution is far than being called "achieved"..so this year,I'm just gonna set only 2 resolutions...

1. study harder (and not only last minute)..but too late to do it for this upcoming finalterm exam.

2. be thrifty...ive squandered a lot on unnecessary things.. I think it's time for me to take a step back and spend like a poor does.

hope I can achieve these two easy-to-say,hard-to-do things..

I am charmed

I am hooked with this old "charmed"series which i kinda left hanging years ago...
I slept late at 5am, I didnt shower, I didnt do anything but watching it like i was charmed!

it's not really the new episodes coz i just found out they've reached the final episode quite some time ago..which pan out quite well to me coz I dnt like waiting for each incoming episode and most producers just stopped their series halfway when it's not lucrative no more. So I prefer one that has a solid ending.

only problem being is that exam is just around the corner.. why is it always to be in this kind of time..I only have this compluse of watching series just when exam is coming...

and my results for mid term is not really good..and i've booked ticket back to Malaysia earlier than it's supposed to be, sparing me from taking the remedials if there is any failed paper..

I know.....I know....all the more reason to not recapture all the series now and hit the books...but really i Just cant...maybe i was casted a spell..
So if someone could help me annul the spell and cast some sense into me...that would really help..

I beseech thee
the power of three
to make me study
to score paper and go back happily

mm...you know what they say...just make it rhyme n you've got yourself a spell..

Lame??naaahhh...who cares

sex education??!!

i ran A LIL BIT late to class today...
I woke up early actually, Im not quite sure what made me late??mm..?? cant put my finger on it.

mm...glad to see my tutor is the lenient one..phewh~
It was quite a tricky topic coz we had a similar one last week..which is Diabetis Melitus(henceforth DM)..
I dnt know how it started but the doctor suddenly brought up about DM can cause impotence. I don't really get the mechanism either but it has something to do with Dm patients have more viscous blood that potentially will clog, so the penis is left unsupplied with bloood, thus ERECTION FAILS!! and the doctor added more bout how the capability to "do it" is really important in a man's life..A man's life is worthless if he can't "do it"..

one thing led to another, all of a sudden, we were discussing bout sex for one good hour.
he told us more about sex, lemme share some of the facts with you which some of them, you might know of already.
1. size doesnt matter. what really matters is your game. because why, the g-spot isn't too far away from the surface of the vagina, so having longer penis doesnt make a difference..
but he didn't talk much bout circumference.I peronally think it's important coz if it's too thin, then u can't really feel it...wahahahaha(evil laugh)..so better pudgy than slender..wahaha

2. try to venture into all kind of styles..missionary, doggy and the one I newly heard "cat stylle"...I dnt know, maybe you rub on her stomach or tickle it with whiskers till she purrs??EEWWW...how i can ever come up with this skeevy thought??..
p/s:I'm not a pervert!!!

3. if the girl is on top, then it's easier for her to reach climax coz she is the ACTIVE one. (quoting Tyra Bank's america's next top model theme song "you wanna be on top?!!!" ....juggling...
and for guys, he can reach climax and ejaculated and remain quiscent for another 15-30minutes, then he can come again. but for girls, she can go on and on, sustaining her orgasmic phase depending on the her super partner.

4. women usually undergo menopause around the age 45-50 but guys can get a woman pregnant even he's 80 years old. Menopause can cause loss of taste sensation, So, if your neighbours' or friends' cookings are too salty or too sweet, that means, she is menopause..mm...a throng of memories just ran by..hehe..

5. women take longer time to reach orgasm. So that's where foreplay is important. that's why we can see some guys put a lot of effort and go thru a whole lot of trouble just to make the girls happy. and it's none other than to get laid~mmm...

Actually only the main points are scientifically true..the side sory is just to make life more colorful...

Jatinangor gave me the blues..=(

check out my new hairdo..I look like an idiot..
I'm actually doing you all a favor by not putting it up here.

I've already got bad feelings when i stepped my foot into that wrecked salon..
my excitement to get a new haircut suddenly turned into a nightmare when i saw the guy who was gonna do my hair..
he looked like Golemn in Lord of the ring...
when he started grazing my hair, I could already smell his smoke-stinky fingers..I cringe to the thought his stinky fingers are all over my hair..EWWWW

then Istarted giving instructions how my hair to be done..I admit my Indonesia language isnt that good but so far when I communicate with my Indo friends, they could understand...but this stylist just simply nodded even tho he didnt udnerstand what I wanted...and when he asked me in his simplified version of Indonesia language which by the way made it even harder fo me to comprehend, he actually irked me to the max. I just felt so annoyed throughout the haircutting time.

I wanted my hair to be trimmed short at the side and as for the back and the front are cut not too short..it's supposed to be longer in the middle, so i can style it like from the side, it's mounting to the centre...get the picture?

but he cropped it tooo short...now it looks like frigging army crew cut!!!Damn it!!I shouldn't come to that crappy salon in the first place..I should have believed my instincts..and now, no turning back!!

and I'm also worried bout my body..It's getting worse.my tummy popping, my butt deflated..it's like everything went the opposite of what I wanted...my confidence really plunge to the ground..Any comment will just shatter my self-exteem. I was all gloomy when I had lunch with my friends..sorry guys.I couldn't help it..for now, I just dont like myself...=(

image of the future

I always daydream bout how my future life will be like...like my future bachelor pad, my 2door convertible mini car, my fabulous single urban young executive life...you know, things like that..


hey, I bet everyone does it ok..


so lemme start off with my future place to live..I think being single, apartment is the best choice..you're still young at that time, spending most of your time outside, building your career...the last thing on your mind will be mowing your lawn, worrying bout tidying up spacey double storey house....so a condo unit sounds perfect..with a zen and minimalist of interior design touch, yr pad will be the most suitable place to soothe your mind after a hectic and frenzy day at work...


next would be cars

living in a busy urban area, horrendous traffic, small parking bays, a small yet sleek car is IT!!

imagine yourself horsing around with this....isn't it just a lady/even guy magnet?


Aston martin coupe car...am I going too far here??hehe...hey, it's a dream..just let me be for this one, k?!

please dnt forget how you present yourself...don't be like some all those old chinese guys who are millionaires but wear wife-beaters, with shorts and slippers...If you're old and are trying to pull off "im rich but down to earth" look, then go ahead...but to me, that is not down to earth, that is just scruffy..



you dont have to wear all the designer's labels to look good....just throw on something that suits the place and time.....

work- shirt and slacks...u're young,indulge in colors...not for pants though

dinner- shirt and jeans or formal attire for formal function...I think you know better than me, im not a fashionista

malls- jeans and tee are always the safest choice




oh, and gadgets...

to complete all the above, we need chic gadgets tht in accord with yr personality.

and I think ones tht match me is round-edged, white and simple type of gadgets..

for instance for laptop...



mobile...(elegant black, solid white,metallic silver, sexy red)











but again, all these are just mere dreams, but who knows it will come true someday...amin..

just my cogitation

When I read my friend's blog bout the Malaysia's fatwa concerning yoga, which considered sinful for muslims, I felt so frustrated...

now people will think that Islam is a confining religion..simply promulgating this is a sin and that is and that is...

we're living in the 21st century where I think most civilised people are at their best conscience...they would know how to differ a plain exercise and those related to worshipping or chanting..
ok, fine..maybe there are yoga in India or wherever somehow got chanting element in them, but I'm pretty sure not in Malaysia, at least not the one practised by public people, n not knowing bout it.

Things are fine they way they are...why some people having so much time to revise all this and make nonsense promulgations. The extemists sometimes ruin it for us. "Ini tak boleh, Itu x boleh"..

Don't you learn psychology? the more you restrict, the more rebellious people would be. It's human nature.

i'm not perfect enough a muslim, since I dnt comply to ALL the rules but I try my best not to do the don'ts especially that can bring harm to other people. and I think I'm better that those who self-proclaim themselves as God's crusaders and manipulate the facts for their own ends..

like this guy"S" once said that whenever there is a politic party bringing the name of Islam, we're subject to follow...and he relentlessly sticking up to his arguement tht dont hold even a drop of water ( die la..simply modifying idiom to my own satisfaction)
what the hell!
the other parties as far as I'm concerned are not against Islam nor bringing down Islam..They are fighting in terms of national policies for the better. On the contrary, that certain party is at fault for USING the name of religion, that they are in holy crusade and arbitrarily labeling people who did not follow them as "kafir".

im kind of going a lil here and there now...haha..bottom line is..If you want to practise yoga as an exercise,quoting Nike." just do it"..

wish list in the future

When i have nothing to do, I tent to be drown into reverie of what my future life would be like...and I'm sure you do the same thing too..
Among those things that im gonna get when i can afford them and hopefully soon is a computer that none of my kindred relatives have...and that leaves only "the idea of surfing internet on the tv/plasma tv"


with the help of this device(below), it is now feasible..I'm not gonna promote this thing to you..at least not unpaid..
and a "laser mouse"..it's not like other optic mouses/mice??..

and a laser keyboard...that can project the keyboard to almost any surface..
Yes, I can already imagine..me sitting on japanese cushion behind the coffee table where the laser keyboard is projected at, and surfing internet...sigh~..when will I get a chance to bask in luxury life like this...

realtionship..

okay...who am i to talk about relationship..I've never been in a serious one before and dont think will be in any for the time being...not that I don't want to, but the condition and situations hampered it.

Actually, having a relationship with someone wasn't big a deal to me..Plus, looking at those couple, being with each other 24/7 made me ponder "arent they smothered?arent they bored?" with the same person again and again every time. but as time passes by, and when "biology" gets to me(huhu), I now can understand the need for a boyfriend/girllfriend.

yet, I'm happier being single, untied by anyone, free to do whatever I like, no restrictions whatsoever only if I have more friends to enjoy that with...
but now, I'm in Indonesia, lack of friends..some of which have already couple and even married. To top it off, even friends who are single and once said would stay together no matter come what may, now dishonor their words by ditching their friends for something better..scandal, perhaps?? and now you tell me, how could I not feel longing for a company?I don't think it bodes well for our friendship if they keep on like this.

and having a partner is exactly the right remedy for above...say, you were ditched by your friends, you still have the very person to go to, someone who is "devoted"to you, someone who actually enjoys being with you as so you feel bout it. And maybe it's time for you to ditch your certain friends that only later would realise that scandals are just temporary detour of your life whilst friends are for lifelong...

ive been asked a lot "do you have a girlfriend?not less asked "do you have a boyfriend?"...well..all questions are well received and none offence taken, and with decorum, a gentlemen guy that I am, would answer " I prefer finish my studies first"
...and god knows and my close friends also know that it's nothing more than a BULL SHIT!!

then what?what am I waiting for??call it cliche or classic but im waithing for the right one to appear before me. and by "right", I dont mean perfect or ideal but tolerable and as in malay saying "sedap mata memandang". Ergo, i dont simply couple up with anyone who tried to flirt with me.with them, friends, yes.flings, yes.serious long term realtionship, NO.

and answering question about long distance relationship..mm..I have very little faith in that..I might try but i wouldn't count on it..im type of guy that needs constant love (not sex). need to renew or refresh our love everytime we meet...and long distance kinda make it hard for me..and I can say I'm talking for most of my friends here...living abroad isnt exactly "fun"..especially in a developing country that you have less people that you have possibilities to be with..get what I mean?trying to be subtle here..huhuhu

new resolution

My results for last semester isn't reallly good and I'm very dissapointed.So here I am, just like last year came up with a new resolution which is to STUDY HARDER!!!

It is so easy to say it but when I have leisure time, study isn't really what i am doing...i'd be going out instead, or surfing internet like what i'm doing at this very moment...or just lying idly in the bed daydreaming..

One of the measures taken to make this work is I've already deleted some of my webpage accounts..the ones for meeting new people.I assumed that I don't need those.Maybe after I finished studying, I could venture in that webs again to get to know more new people.

Right now, Im very sad and unease coz some of the rumors I heard about faculty programme. I just could pray and hope that everything will be fine and as planned.

let the faculty and the responsible party work on that.

My job is to get back on track and focus..So, from now on, I'll be more hardworking..Hope my dear friends will help me enduring the hardships throughout the journey.

influence of Nakatsu

Nakatsu is a guy in Hanazakari No kimitachi e, a japanese series....it's a nice n happy series...

he's very laid back n really good in posing...i tried to pose like him but fail..=(
he's the blonde guy



i look stupid, i know...*sticking out tongue*

sprucing up my house

....i think my mom never thought deeply enough when she bought stuff...and she alleged that my dad bought all the unnecessary things..well, thats aside, they were all very random and not central-themed...

So, first and foremost, im trying to get rid of unnecessary things alias garbage which is so much

wait....according to what i learnt in Environmental health

garbage- adalah sampah yang mudah membusuk,hasil dari pengelolaan makanan dan biasanya terdiri sisa potongan hewan atau dan sayuran

rubbish-sampah yang dapat terbakar atau yang tidak dapat/sukar terbakar yang berasal dari rumah, pusat perdagangan, kantor tetapi tidak termasuk garbage..

So i got rid of rubbish to be precise..hehe..practical konwledge..

and start to narrow down to two big themes since that is the best i could do...and please bear in mind..all the furniture is NOT hand-picked by me but my parents, i'm just refurbishing or rearrange the stuff only..

so the TV and all other gadgets are more to monochromatic and contemporary style

whilst, the furniture are dark red and mahagony brown color and more to oriental style... a.

certain someone questioned the placement of the dictionary....well, FYI, I dnt like flowers like he suggested to put rose petals or sth like that/potpuri...I hate all those...so since my mom is an english teacher and dictionary more practical when ure watching tv n dnt know what cerwain words mean..im guessing putting it there wont hurt anyone, would it??!!

and below is my messy and simple bed....hehe

Seven deadly Sins

I just love the way they potray the SEVen DEadly SIns...I happen to read the book for LUST and ENVY and still havent finished the latter one...probly coz the novels i read are for children....hopefully they have the adult version tht is more interesting...mm...

Can i classify my friends for each of them??pleasee..

mm...lets see...jdont be mad at me,k!!

wrath: Afiq
avarice: Me...huhhuhu...ldont care what ure gonna say..(sticking out my tongue)

lust: Aaron
envy : Sureen....huhuhhuu
sloth: Fahmi (so i heard...)
vanity/pride for RAJA EZwan...
gluttony: ARmia (my cousin)...you cant imagine how big he is..he just cant stop munching...

n looking at them, it makes me yearning to be like them except glutton of course...they seem very urban like and what high social class would have....hahahahah

and ANTM also took the same concept as the theme for one of their shots....but why envy is sexier than lust???

An evening at Pizza HUt

I went with kak dino and Amara to Sacc mall to have our hi tea there....I wanted to have Secret recipe's chocolate Indulgence cake but Amara who hadnt had his lunch yet,wanted to eat something heavy..So we went to pizza hut..

As I went in to the pizza hut, i was still uncertain bout having hi tea there and still craved for that cake....When i was indecisive, my body unconciously tend to be coiling and stretching to the left and right(menggeliat)*does anyone know the appropriate term???

and that was when this big, hefty indian guy appeared behind my back and with elegance,cocking his eyebrow to me and said " Kenapa ni?"

When i gain my mind-conscious back , i was so shocked to see such a unique creature, so big in size with eye shadow and mascara, catwalking towards our table and asked for orders..

I ordered Tango mango....and didnt order food coz ive had my lunch...the waiter, unsatisfied with my order probably, flirtishly asked "diet ke?"..with his low tone, husky voice...is it??.(barf)

and me being modest, just gave him a bitter smile..

Then after a while, he came again with our orders...When he put my drink on the table,I shudder when he said "i buat sendiri jus ni dgn tangan i, ..rasalah.."

the tingling sensation travel from my head to my toe...and at the same time I was scared that he might put anything in the drink...aphrodisiacs?no?mak esah??could be?

Then, I asked Amara to have a sip first...coz, if anything happened, then i wouldnt be in that shit alone...hehehe....She didnt realise tht is the reason I generously offered her to taste my drink..wahahaha*sinister laugh*

After seeing no bad reaction from Amara, then only i was able to enjoy my drink

How come a waiter in a place like pizza hut flirt with their patrons like that?so unprofessional..
I dont think i'll go there again...ASTA NUNKA!!!

Debat Harga minyak

when it comes to politics, everybody gets emotional...So instead of talking about the content of the debate, i'd like to talk about people reactions toward it.

For instance, in my house, the drama goes on as much as the debate in the tv...

Anwar said something, my dad said something, Sabri said this, my mom said that, and on and on the two parallel debates progress...aik....my head spinning...

But no matter who wins this debate, i think it brings a good outcome to the nation...As the most impartial person that I am, i think this debate sustain the balance of power in this country...The alternative keeps banging the govt,bringing up weaknesses, so the govt have to try harder to give the best to the people.....and who will benefit this?? none other than us...

So far, that's the crude conclusion tht i could draw from all these ....of course the intellectuals would think differently as they see economy in different view...but who am I,a mere mortal who doesnt even know what is IPP to join arguing...kan...hahahaha

i just hope tht god will bless this country...and lets the BEST rule this very small yet equally important nation.

Refurbish~

I think my 3 door wardrobe takes up too much room...So i am thinking of selling that one and buy another kind of wardrobe tht is more space-saving....for eg;
clothes stand...who cares it's not elegant or dnt match with my color-raged room...

it adds up to my simple and minimalist quality tht im trying to apply here (haha...it's just a clothes stand for crying out loud)

and what about, hanger holder tht can be folded behind your door...I sure like the idea....
and last but not least, is an organiserI'm not thinking of this fancy one but it's something like this, vertically arranged pockets.

but where to put all the folded clothes??
just buy a square book shelves with four or sic compartments and table runner to cover them...or not...it's by choice...
you can put books on top...it's a book shelf after all...

now, is my taste erratic??

and since so, i'm selling my wardrobe...
3door, 2 for clothes hanging with a horizontal compartment on top
and the other door , there r 4 compartments with a drawer in the middle..
I'm selling it for a reasonable rp650000.. *negotiable though*

Msia's Top model??

God, have mercy on me, spare my eyes from this horrible sigggghhhhhht!!!!! *echo*......

drama mode: ON
Bitchy mode: ON
Mercy mode: OFF

them??Malaysia's top models??if they were considered "TOP", then what would foreigners think about others....(finger wagging, and head wobbling attitude)
Damn!! we're really giving off one BAD image of Malaysia to the world out there...

Just look at them, and I should say no more....

It's ok for civillians to look ordinary or even ugly, but for models, who represent Malaysia??It's a CRIME!!! a SIN!!!for crying out loud...

I'm outraged here, even more when I found out my cousin do drugs!!!
sabo je la~